Oftentimes, taking great leaps of faith is labeled as irresponsible or selfish or insane (until you succeed of course, then you’re brilliant).
-Jen Sincero, You Are A Badass.
I did something crazy. Absolutely insane. Something my former self would have never even considered doing.
I quit my job without lining up another one.
The Stephanie of yesteryears would have fainted at the mere mention of falling off a safe and steady track. The Stephanie of yesteryears was a typical (boring) good girl- she did well in school, got into a good college, graduated in four years and began a career. Never had run ins with the cops. Didn’t have a sip of alcohol until college. Former Stephanie played it safe. Former Stephanie didn’t place too many bets on herself in her career- not because she didn’t think she could succeed, but because the fear of failure outweighed the faith in herself.
Fast forward some time and here I am.
This wasn’t an easy decision to make. I spent weeks agonizing over it. You see, normally, you can point to a part of a job that you absolutely hate as a reason to leave- that, or you’ve found something better somewhere else. I didn’t have an offer on the table, and I worked for a great company. I adore my former coworkers and enjoyed spending the day with them. The work wasn’t my passion, but it paid well and came with full benefits. Sure, the commute was terrible, but I typically got over it after the first plane ride of the day (you know you’re living the island life when you either have to fly or boat to work. No driving). Although, I will say, I didn’t enjoy being on an island separated from my life by ocean. If I needed to get home for any reason it was a process. I only needed to get home once in my short time working there, but it took me two hours- that was when I received news that my Papa had passed on. So that was two hours being alone, freshly grieving, in public. Plus, if the weather is bad, the lines of travel shut down. I often worried that my husband would be injured at work (or worse- this is not a good time to be a police officer) and I wouldn’t be able to get home.
So yeah. Not really a great work environment for someone who struggles with anxiety.
Like I said, I spent weeks agonizing over it. My husband and I worked our budget to make sure we weren’t going to pull a Michael Scott…
and when we knew we would be okay financially, there was literally nothing standing in my way.
Except for myself.
That was the thing, though- this decision had to come from me. I couldn’t point to a piece of my job that was bad enough to quit, except for the way it made me feel. It felt like a clichéd breakup: “it’s not you, it’s me.”
I spent a lot of time thinking about what a really smart lady told me and decided I wanted more. So finally, I placed a bet on myself.
The craziest part? I haven’t had a single negative reaction (well to be fair, at first, my grandmother seemed alarmed, but then she realized we could see each other more and got excited). Everyone I’ve shared the news with has been super supportive and excited for me. I wasn’t expecting so much positivity which is such a pleasant surprise.
I didn’t quit my job with the intention to loaf around- I intend to pursue my passions. I intend to write. I intend to travel. I intend to continue selling natural and healing products and growing that passion of mine. I have some classes lined up, and I intend to remain open to the possibilities that being open can bring. Overall, I’m excited to begin this new chapter of my life and for the first time in a long time I actually feel excited about the future of my career.
Bring it on.