Stephanie Jean

In my first post, I explained that I had a lot going on right now. And that’s very true, as you can tell by the time between my posts- sorrrrrry about that!

It’s funny- I had to drive a friend and her son, who is in the ninth grade, somewhere the other day. And I was thinking about my own ninth grade experience, and I realized with a start that it was ten years ago. An entire decade ago.

What the f—?!

This realization really got me thinking about the concept of time. High school seems like it was just yesterday… and didn’t I just graduate with my BA a couple hours ago? No, I truly didn’t, but the memories and emotions are so strong that it feels like I could have.

There is a great book that does a wonderful job of giving an example of time fluidity- Siddhartha by Herman Hesse.

This probably won’t be the last time I mention Siddhartha, as I have recently finished reading it for the first time. In it, Siddhartha comes to the conclusion that all we have is this present moment, and that every other version of ourselves we have come to know no longer exists. He says they have died.

I like this way of thinking, morbid as it may initially sound. If you break the concept down, you come to see that the concept isn’t morbid at all. Think of a time in your life where you were different from the person you are today. For me, I am thinking of who I was senior year of college, a bit lost but wanting to find my way. You are different from who you once were. I know that I am more confident, I feel more powerful, and I am better to myself. I cannot say that this young woman, a seeking college senior, lives on within me- she has passed away. The lessons she taught me live on in my present self, but she is gone.

In the book, Siddhartha goes from rich boy in line for religious work, to poor forest wanderer, to man who indulges in fine things, to ferryman. In each transition, he struggles to let go of his previous life until he learns that all we have is the present moment. Mourning who you once were doesn’t change who you currently are, and it prevents you from fully living presently.

It is important to embrace who you are at present, and it is important to be honest with yourself and your loved ones about that. I used to like going out and being around friends all the time- now, if I’m being honest with myself, I enjoy being around friends once or twice a week. It’s a vast difference between then and now, and it’s nothing to do with my friends (shout out to you wonderful people) but everything to do with me. It took some adjusting, but I am happier. And who knows? I could change again. But for now, this is the version of me who is alive.

Have you ever read Siddhartha? What did you get out of it? Who were you once that you are no longer today? Let me know in the comments! Namaste. ❤